Are you smarter than a Pre-schooler?

Today was a hilarious day! I can't even remember 1/2 of what I've spent the day laughing at, but I know I've spent the better part of the day laughing!!!

Here's a couple of highlights:

At the dinner table, Carter kept, ahem "passing wind." Bad table manners are absolutely, positively a pet peeve of mine...even from a 2 year old. So - HE KNOWS this doesn't fly (well - he's 2, he probably doesn't KNOW exactly what I mean when I say "no tooting at the table." but he's HEARD it a few times). FINALLY after time number 4 or so I asked him to please go sit on the steps if he needed to "toot" and then come back when he was all done. He looked at Dave and grinned his little "I'm about to do something silly" grin. Went over to the steps and proceeded to relieve himself for a few minutes...laughing...and then return to the table. You can imagine Dave's reaction to this...

Later, I gave the kids their baths. Got Jordan out and dressed, Dave came down to get Carter out and dressed and brush the kids' teeth. I went upstairs to do dishes....and here's what I heard (although I have NO IDEA what happened to cause this conversation to start):

Dave: You know Jordan, if you work really really hard in school and get really smart, you might not have to work one day. You can pay people to work FOR you, isn't that cool?!

Jordan: Oh! So you pay people to work for you Daddy?

Dave: Well No -

Jordan: Oh. You're not very smart?

Dave: Well, I am but I just didn't

Jordan: Work really really hard in school?

Dave: I didn't graduate from College. You can work really hard and go to college and THEN work really really hard there and then have people work FOR you.

Jordan: Oh ok. So Mommy is really really smart, because you work for her.

Dave:

Kim: CRACKING UP LAUGHING UPSTAIRS!

Yes Jordan, I am so very smart! I convinced Daddy to marry me, have Children with me, buy me all of the things I need, and go to work every day to pay for everything :-) I hope one day you are just as smart ;-) Love, Mommy!

Socks.

Sundays start off difficult in our house. Like REALLY difficult. All the cards are stacked against us. I'm not a morning person, Jordan's not a morning person, Carter is fine as long as he wakes up on his own, and Dave just annoys Jordan and I with his "tweeting birds and sunshine singing" morning attitude. We have to get it together to get out the door before 7 a.m. That's 2 showers, 4 people dressed and teeth brushed (plus dry my hair and straighten, etc.) We have to allow at least 10 minutes to battle with Jordan over why she can't wear a baithing suit and boots to church. Then we have to fight about why she can't wear her pajamas to church. Next, its on to convincing Carter that he in fact DOES have to brush his teeth and that he CANNOT have waffles right now (I wish we had time for that!) Then there's the 5 minutes Dave and I spend arguing over some asinine little thing. This morning, for instance, it was socks. Seriously!? We weren't even fighting about the KIDS' socks. When we finally get out the door, its NEVER before 7:15 and we HAVE to stop and get coffee and donuts for breakfast (unless for some reason Dave's not with us...the rest of us can actually make the 1 hour drive without refreshment.) So - when we leave Lusby, around 7:25, I'm fuming because we're so late, Dave's "sunshine and birdies singing" and the kids are stuffing themselves with the LEAST healthy breakfast food possible.

By the time we GET to church, it takes another 5 minutes to start smiling at people and speaking in full and pleasant sentences...But then we're good. And its like the whole morning routine never happened.

Except today. Dave was stuck on the socks. Socks. We're over it now, obviously. I mean how long can grown people fight over socks, right? Approximately 2 hours apparently. (well - DAVE fought about socks for that long, I didn't have much to contribute) But, I'll have you know, the "sock bin" in our house will be going extinct tomorrow - and Dave is going to be investing in safety pins to keep his socks together before they go in the washer. And NEXT Sunday? We're going to aim at leaving by 6:45 and the kids are wearing their church clothes to bed Saturday night. I might do the same. Dave will for sure be sleeping in his socks, and I'm buying donuts Saturday night too. WATCHOUT Kneeling Point...we're going to be ON TIME next week!!

There's really no title for this...its not really ABOUT anything...

I just wrote a whole blog about the ridiculousness of yesterday, but when I re-read it I realized it wasn't that bad. I may have been a large part of the problem here yesterday...

So - today - can I just say that I cannot get it right with my poor daughter! I tell her "please leave (so and so) alone, when you are playing with that person the 2 of you get in trouble and I want you to (whatever it is she's supposed to be doing. And please keep this between you and I because I'd hate for her feelings to be hurt. You don't have to TELL her you can't play, just..." (you get the idea). Next I tell her "today when you're bored in gymnastics, if you're waiting in line just do some stretching. If you're waiting on the mat, just practice your handstands or backbends...etc."

So. Let's name "so and so" Alice. Jordan RUNS into gymnastics, RUNS up to Alice and starts talking. O.M.G! This is not the first time this has happened (telling her to leave someone alone and she goes and tells them this) so I CLEARLY told her this time NOT to run up and tell Alice. I'm silently praying that she IS NOT doing what I think she is. 5 minutes later Jordan comes to get me b/c she needs to go to the bathroom:

"Jordan, I saw you talking to Alice, were you telling her what we talked about in the car?"

"No Mommy, I wasn't I promised I wouldn't"

"What did you tell her?"

"I just said 'My Mommy told me something about you and its REALLY bad and I can't tell you ."

- oh good. Here I was worried about her telling her what I actually said....ugh.-

"Jordan - next time, let's just say nothing at all. What you said might have hurt her feelings"

- insert tears from confused and worried daughter here -

"You're not in trouble"

"But I don't want Alice to be sad"

"Just don't say anything else at all to Alice"

Back to gymnastics, Jordan's doing fantastic. Then they get in line for beam. Jordan was being so incredibly obedient today and having a really really good day, so naturally she starts stretching. Bending down and touching her toes, stretching her calves.

COACH: "Jordan, stand STILL in line please. I don't want to have to say that again."

- Jordan's lip quivers...tears well up -

COACH: (who has never seen Jordan cry) Looks up at me like "Oh crap, what did I do." and says "Jordan don't cry just stand still next time."

Poor kid.

Next we leave gymnastics, and drive to the grocery store. As we're turning in to the parking lot I smell something like warm apple pie or peach cobbler. A fantastically warm, sweet smell. There's a "Checker's" on the corner and I'm thinking they must have come out with some new fantastic desert because it smells HEAVENLY. As I got further and further from Checkers I realized I'm still smelling this smell, like its in the car with me. It is a new car...maybe I just didn't really notice it had this smell before?! That's when I looked behind me and saw Carter. Carter, Carter, Carter. Carter who snuck a packet of Caramel dipping sauce into the car. Carter who held it quietly until that moment. Carter who has now rubbed caramel sauce on his hands as though it were lotion, covered his toy car in it like it were a car-wash. Carter whose hair was stylishly spiked and had a brownish tint to the tips, and a sweet smelling sticky sheen. Carter whose lap was drizzled in caramel and whose carseat was so ridiculously messy I could have cried. We could NOT go to the store, because it was an almost incomprehensible mess. WOOO! Guess who's getting patted down before entering the car from now on?!

What we do when a Kid is sick:

• Color....we do LOTS and LOTS of coloring
• Watch movies (to the point where I feel like surely this is crap parenting...)
• Play games, More specifically play "Don't Break the Ice" 100 times a day, and "Uno Moo" 86 times after that.
• Read every book we have (we have too many books, if that's even possible, and somehow still "need" more. I am a book hoarder I think)
• Cook
• Eat (ugh)
• Snuggle :-)

And when the fever FINALLY breaks, we.....SHOP! For groceries, but then for fun stuff!

Today we went to "Educate and Celebrate" and spent at least an hour there. The kids LOOOOOVE it, because they have the train table out and a little girly table out with tiny velvet mice and furniture, etc. The kids played for probably 30 minutes while I perused and drooled over the FANTASTIC Melissa and Doug educational toys, as well as the learning workbooks and classroom materials. I think that next year, when Carter is 3 and Jordan 5, I'm going to make our downstairs more like a pre-school. They'll both be home more often than not, and both at a good age to learn things together! We already have the chalkboard (ahem, the chalkboard WALL), the gigantic pocket calendar, table and chairs, and a good bit of learning aids. As well as the 2 K4 curriculum workbook sets I bought last year (on clearance, bought 2 just in case and now I'm soooo glad I did!)

Anyway, the kids played for 30 minutes while I fantasized about our livingroom/preschool. Then I told them they could each pick a toy or game or puzzle or whatever they wanted. Jordan carried a box to me that looked like a cute little learning wooden toy, $61.00...ummm...no, how about a $20 limit? So she picked a cute wooden spelling game (that's the best way I can think to describe it). And Carter? Well he chose, out of the WHOLE STORE FULL OF STUFF, a 3 foot long pointer with a hand on the end of it. "Whew!" I thought when I saw the $3.00 price tag! So we checked out and got in the car and THAT'S when I realized the pointer was the WORST thing in the store to have bought. Guess who got poked repeatedly in the car? Everyone except Carter that's who! When I reached back and swatted his legs, he started tapping the window. When Jordan asked him to be quiet, he started pulling at her hair with it. Fun. But he loves it, so we'll just have to **try** to set some ground rules with it!

I also bought Jordan 4 new easy reader books and got the kids a really cool devotional book for kids ages 2-5! I love that.

Alright, off to clean my house! Nothing to exciting here. (Oh! except the forest fire on Saturday, but I don't have time to write about that, so maybe tomorrow.)

Dinner is on the stove....

So I'll be quick! With the beautiful weather today we were able to spend lots of time outside! It was so nice to enjoy our backyard again...no one wanted to come in. UNTIL. Jordan and I were laying on the grass, Carter was running in circles and Dave was on the phone with his brother. I swear I could almost have fallen asleep there, Jordan too I think. Dave got off of the phone and walked over to me to tell me, well I have no idea what he was going to tell me because suddenly his eyes went as big as saucers and he leans over towards me and says:

"Oh. You have a huge spider on..." That was all I heard. I screamed I jumped up I swatted at my hair and I removed clothing. Thank GOD we live in a fairly wooded lot. I was down to my bra before I realized what I was doing. It became funny to everyone else involved at that moment. Not.Me. I went in and showered, threw away the clothes I HAD been wearing, and have sworn off the outdoors for a while. (Anyone else see how this happens EVERY YEAR. Every year there is some big event that simply reaffirms my hatred for the outdoors.)

(and just so everyone knows...Dave said it was a HUGE spider. I never saw it. Its still out there somewhere...watchout.)

In other news...

Yesterday we won $10,000.00 on a $2.00 scratch-off. That's right, I scratched off the ticket and couldn't believe when I'd matched "3 like amounts." I was excited almost to tears, and ran up to Dave (who was on the phone) to show him. He was immediately excited and jumping up and down yelling "we just won $10,000! We just won $10,000!" (still on the phone). I had to run upstairs to help the kids with something and after a minute or two Dave comes up and grabs the ticket off of the dresser....and after staring at it for a while, figured out we DID NOT in fact will $10,000. I'd matched a $1000 to 2 $10000. You can see how easily that could be confused, right?! I mean, we BOTH thought we'd won. So, in a matter of moments we went from elated to deflated....but hey, at least we know what that moment feels like. The moment when you are inexplicably "lucky" and are given a BIG something for nothing. At least I hadn't ordered my shoes yet. (the ones I decided I HAD to have, only to find out later they cost $1500.00...this is a BIT out of our budget.)

In other news, Jordan and Carter seem to be feeling better. We're spending yet another day home from school, just to be sure. Yesterday they did get to go to the little V-day party at Jordan's school. It was from 11:15-12:00 and Jordan was in a meanie-pants mood so we only made it to 11:45 before I said "stop (doing something, there's no telling what she was doing at the moment) or we can leave now!" Her response? You guessed it: "I'm ready to go." Carter was a bit devastated at this, as he LOVES to play at Jordan's school any chance he gets. And at THIS particular party, he was thrilled because he got to wear his church-shoes. I forgot to pack sneakers for him at my Parents' house. When my Mom met me at the school with the kids, I had sneakers for him but he wanted NO PARTS in them: "No, I wear my Church Shoes!" and he strutted them.

He's so cute. As we speak he's laid out on the floor in front of me DEMANDING chocolate. Really!? Adorable. 1 - I don't know how he even knows what chocolate is. and 2 - NO ONE in this house just sits down and eats chocolate. Not even me. And he is now saying "I want Chocolate. I want it ALL DAY." Cute.

Off to make waffles for my starving children.

And We're Back!

The kids are sick, and I am afraid to lay down and go back to sleep. Although their motrin-induced sleep may well keep them out until 8:00 (later than that is UNHEARD OF in this house under any circumstance), I know that if I lay down and shut my eyes someone will IMMEDIATELY wake up for the day. Then I'll be 10000000x more tired than I already am, so forget it. No sleep today.

In my sleeplessness (is that really a word?!) I decided to pull up the ole blog and read it. I am so sad that I stopped blogging! It wasn't time consuming for me, because its really just journaling...I'm not a "writer" like my friend Nancy

When I stopped it was because a **small** group of people decided that I sounded too negative and was always complaining...yea, re-reading my posts: I'm not seeing that, sorry. I think its healthy to write about, and find humor in, life.

So - I'm restarting.

The kids are sick today, Carter is on the mend. He's been running a fever among other things, and yesterday at the doctor I found out my Son IS capable of having an ear infection WITH his tubes still in place. Fabulous. I was actually relieved to know this was the fever culprit, as it makes I thought it made him non-contagious. It was still looking good for Jordan not getting sick, and Dave and I have had plans for Friday! Jordan hung out with her friend for the afternoon while I took Carter to the doctors. When I got to Becky's house to pick up Jordan, she told me the girls did "Great!" were "so good! Oh, but I should let you know Jordan is running a low fever and she says her ears hurt." UGH.

1.) Jordan never wakes up sick and toxic. It ALWAYS starts at school, or at someone's house. I know that is so highly unlikely, but its true. And hence I ALWAYS look like "that Mom" who brings her sick kid places. I'm not. I promise.

2.) There went my whole "It was just an ear infection!" celebration.

3.) I am hoping and praying and really REALLY hoping and praying that she didn't infect her friend or anyone else at school.

4.) As is normal around here, our date is cancelled. (well, maybe not, but probably?)

So today its back to the pediatrician. 2 trips in 2 days. 3 trips in 2 weeks. Before that it had been MONTHS since the kiddos needed to go to the doctors. As stated above, Jordan didn't go with yesterday. The last time she was at the doctor, you may remember Jordan completely mortified me in serenaded the waiting room as we were leaving. I'm hoping for a better trip today, but check back tomorrow...I may have some REAL material to blog about!

And just as I've finished writing this and decided to brave it and take a 45 minute "nap" guess who just walked in the door?! Guess I'll be snuggling my sick little one now...have a good day

JORDAN HAYES (who was begging to type her name on the computer as soon as she saw it on!)